Well kids, I hope you had as much fun today as I did. Here’s everybody all in one place, in case you’re interested. So many beautiful Americans, so few diamond encrusted eagles in real life. Perhaps next year we can fix that with some eagle food, a bedazzler, and a little ingenuity.
We knew Dubi was truly an American the first time he used inarticulate rage as a leadership tactic and it totally worked.
HEIGHT: 6’ 2”
BORN: APR 29, 1986 (AGE 28)
BIRTHPLACE: ANCHORAGE, AK, UNITED STATES
The new guy already has “kicked some foreign ass” on his resume. Good good.
HEIGHT: 5’ 11”
BORN: FEB 19, 1991 (AGE 23)
BIRTHPLACE: BINGHAMTON, NY, UNITED STATES
Boller punches people for a living and is a super chill dude in real life who sometimes cuddles puppies and drinks beer which, you know, if one were to describe our beautiful nation that might be a good summation.
HEIGHT: 6’ 3”
BORN: MAY 13, 1986 (AGE 28)
BIRTHPLACE: CHARLOTTE, NC, UNITED STATES